In A Nutshell

I mentioned that this blog is going to include a lot of features of people doing great things with great stories, with my occasional banter.

Well before we get there, I figured I should at least give you a little insight of who I am. Not for any selfish reasons, just to make myself more human rather than just an anonymous blogger behind a computer screen.

So this is a glimpse of me, Matt Keyser, on who I am and things I've picked up on over the years.


I used to be a shy, conservative guy. Then I lived with some Marine buddies for a year. They changed my whole outlook on life.

Jagermeister is never your friend.

A good journalist can be judged on the type of alcohol he drinks and how often he drinks it.

I once stopped in the middle of the road to prevent hitting a bird. It repaid me by flying over my car and shitting on my windshield. I should have just hit the damned thing.

Step out of your comfort zone as much as possible, it's the only way you're going to grow.

Obey the rules of Shotgun, they're there for a reason. The same with Man Law.

Chivalry isn't dead, ladies. It's just guys willing to still be chivalrous are a rare breed.

When saying goodbye to someone, especially someone close to you, don't rush to get away. Take the time to say a proper goodbye. You never know, it could be the last time you ever see them.

To find the truth of who a man really is, buy him a few drinks.

I'm not going to take you to the hospital because you aren't going to learn anything.

Confidence is the key to being successful; cockiness is the downfall. The line must be treaded very carefully.

If I wasn't a journalist, I don't know what I would be doing. I'd probably be cleaning porta potties. And you'd better believe those would be the cleanest porta potty seats anyone had ever pissed on.

I find humor in everyday life, especially in my fuck-ups. If it wasn't for laughter, I would have had a stress-induced heart attack by now.

It's cliché as hell, but don't stress the things you have no control over. I live my life by that.

If you have to question it, you probably shouldn't order that next drink.

Cherish the nights with good friends. Before you know it life happens and things are never quite the same.

Having said that, picking back up with your best friend should be like there was never a time gap at all.

Try everything once. Except Herpes.

The best way to shut up preachy vegetarians is to ask if they give blowjobs.

I was once kicked out of Coyote Ugly in Austin. I don't remember why exactly, but it's something that everyone should experience at least once.

I once had a calf when I was five. I never really got to know her, and when I was older I got a check cause she was sold. Now, every time I bite into a hamburger, I can't help but wonder if it's my calf.

You haven't lived until you've gone streaking at least once. There's something so freeing about it all.

The first time I ever bet on a horse race was at Churchill Downs, where the Kentucky Derby is run. I didn't know anything about horse racing or betting but I chose a random horse and ended up winning $32. I had to dig my ticket out of the trashcan because my horse was in last place when I stopped watching.

Having sex on a table in a park might be frowned upon, but it should be one everyone's bucket list.

In fact, if you're living without a bucket list, you obviously aren't living.

I know I'll have found my true love when I can honestly tell myself I won't leave her for Taylor Swift.

When the zombie apocalypse finally strikes, I will join the masses to kill zombies. And when trying to determine if a person is a zombie or not, I'm going to kick him right in the balls. If he's unaffected, he's a zombie. If he falls to the ground in pain, well, he is probably an asshole anyway.