In A Nutshell

I mentioned that this blog is going to include a lot of features of people doing great things with great stories, with my occasional banter.

Well before we get there, I figured I should at least give you a little insight of who I am. Not for any selfish reasons, just to make myself more human rather than just an anonymous blogger behind a computer screen.

So this is a glimpse of me, Matt Keyser, on who I am and things I've picked up on over the years.


I used to be a shy, conservative guy. Then I lived with some Marine buddies for a year. They changed my whole outlook on life.

Jagermeister is never your friend.

A good journalist can be judged on the type of alcohol he drinks and how often he drinks it.

I once stopped in the middle of the road to prevent hitting a bird. It repaid me by flying over my car and shitting on my windshield. I should have just hit the damned thing.

Step out of your comfort zone as much as possible, it's the only way you're going to grow.

Obey the rules of Shotgun, they're there for a reason. The same with Man Law.

Chivalry isn't dead, ladies. It's just guys willing to still be chivalrous are a rare breed.

When saying goodbye to someone, especially someone close to you, don't rush to get away. Take the time to say a proper goodbye. You never know, it could be the last time you ever see them.

To find the truth of who a man really is, buy him a few drinks.

I'm not going to take you to the hospital because you aren't going to learn anything.

Confidence is the key to being successful; cockiness is the downfall. The line must be treaded very carefully.

If I wasn't a journalist, I don't know what I would be doing. I'd probably be cleaning porta potties. And you'd better believe those would be the cleanest porta potty seats anyone had ever pissed on.

I find humor in everyday life, especially in my fuck-ups. If it wasn't for laughter, I would have had a stress-induced heart attack by now.

It's cliché as hell, but don't stress the things you have no control over. I live my life by that.

If you have to question it, you probably shouldn't order that next drink.

Cherish the nights with good friends. Before you know it life happens and things are never quite the same.

Having said that, picking back up with your best friend should be like there was never a time gap at all.

Try everything once. Except Herpes.

The best way to shut up preachy vegetarians is to ask if they give blowjobs.

I was once kicked out of Coyote Ugly in Austin. I don't remember why exactly, but it's something that everyone should experience at least once.

I once had a calf when I was five. I never really got to know her, and when I was older I got a check cause she was sold. Now, every time I bite into a hamburger, I can't help but wonder if it's my calf.

You haven't lived until you've gone streaking at least once. There's something so freeing about it all.

The first time I ever bet on a horse race was at Churchill Downs, where the Kentucky Derby is run. I didn't know anything about horse racing or betting but I chose a random horse and ended up winning $32. I had to dig my ticket out of the trashcan because my horse was in last place when I stopped watching.

Having sex on a table in a park might be frowned upon, but it should be one everyone's bucket list.

In fact, if you're living without a bucket list, you obviously aren't living.

I know I'll have found my true love when I can honestly tell myself I won't leave her for Taylor Swift.

When the zombie apocalypse finally strikes, I will join the masses to kill zombies. And when trying to determine if a person is a zombie or not, I'm going to kick him right in the balls. If he's unaffected, he's a zombie. If he falls to the ground in pain, well, he is probably an asshole anyway.

My Talking House

I was in second grade when I wrote my first short story. It was a project assigned by my teacher, Mrs. Mayhall. She had everyone write and illustrate a story and read it to the class.

I don't remember much about the process or how I came up with the idea, but it was about a talking house, and I think I vaguely remember the tooth fairy having something to do with the story. (I was in second grade, don't just me based on the stories I wrote.) But all that is a bit irrelevant at this point.

What I remember most is finishing the story and running downstairs to my mom's bathroom for her to read my masterpiece. I was sure that it was one of the best things a second grader had ever written. And as Mom read my words, my brain filled with other story ideas that would lead to my great next work. I even considered a sequel to my talking house story.

I look back on that moment as one of the first times in my life I can remember being that excited about something – and a school project at that. But it's also a moment I think back on as a time when my first calling as a writer came. I was too young to notice it then – being just seven, maybe eight years old – but now I can say that moment was when the idea was planted in the depths of subconscious, slowly biding its time until I was old enough and ready to pursue a future as a writer.

Now, I'm blessed enough to do it as a living, and to have an actual employer pay me to put words on a page for people to read. My seven-year-old self would think I was crazy and run off to play on the monkey bars if I could visit him now.

Which leads me to this. I created this blog to not just help elevate my writing to the next level, but also because I believe that us writers have the power to change lives, to change the world, and to make an all-around difference.

Sure there are those who abuse that power, it's an ongoing battle of good vs. evil, but as it's been said, "the bad writers have a way of being weeded out."

I want this blog to be more than just about me – Matt Keyser, writer – but about the billions of people that populate the earth. I want to tell their stories so that you, the reader, can maybe learn something about yourself, your life or the world around you.

With that, I want to invite you to enter a new threshold, into a world of words and truth. Pain and tears. Happiness and triumph.

Strap in. It's going to be one helluva journey.